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The Bombshell Vs. the Bomb: Barbie and Oppenheimer
When worlds collide and atoms split, there’s only one thing to do — talk watches.
There are moments in history that are clear dividing lines between past and present. Moments that shape the course of the world, moments that place us on clear paths, moments that tell us something about who we are and why we are here. Moments like the fall of the Berlin Wall, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, the introduction of McDonald’s all-day breakfast. Moments like this stay with us, becoming a collective memory — for good or for bad.
It’s rare to know that a moment like this is coming before it happens, but this weekend the world is going to change, and we have to be ready for it. This weekend, Barbenheimer is upon us.
For the uninitiated (so basically anyone who has miraculously avoided the totality of the internet in recent weeks), Barbenheimer refers to a somewhat stunning confluence of events; the release dates of two potential artistic masterpieces — Greta Gerwig’s “Barbie” and Christopher Nolan’s “Oppenheimer.”
“Barbie,” based on the long-running toy line of the same name, and “Oppenheimer,” which tells the story of J. Robert Oppenheimer, are both set to release on Friday, July 21, 2023. Now typically, releasing a movie about the father of the atomic bomb and a doll with unrealistic proportions on the same day wouldn’t be much to sneeze at — after all, these are movies that should have entirely different audiences and draws.
And yet, they don’t. In fact, the National Association of Theatre Owners is projecting that some 200,000 people will see both films on the same day this weekend. There are certainly reasons for this, but I will leave that to people far more versed in the nuances of film and the box office to answer.
So, what is one watch writer to do when faced with a changing world, a totemic moment, and (probably slightly less than) 400,000 wrists? Obviously, we have to figure out what watches to wear.
How to Pick a Watch
Now, anyone who has seen Architectural Digest’s tour of the Barbie Dreamhouse will know that Barbie doesn’t have to choose her own clothes — they are presented for her by her closet each and every morning. Those of us who live outside of Barbieland don’t have that luxury.
We have to make the hard decisions, and that includes what to put on our wrists for multi-hour double bills at our local nickelodeons. I can’t tell you how to make that choice; after all, there are a number of ways to approach the decision.
Do you have a strong attachment to one film over the other, or feel an emotional connection to one of the characters? Or are you looking for a watch that will put you in the time or headspace of the figures you are seeing onscreen?
Again, there is no right answer, so here are a couple of ways to approach it, and the watch I would pick for each way of thinking.
I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World
Now, for a Barbie watch, the easy answer is to go with something pink and, for lack of a better term, “girly.” But, just as Greta Gerwig seems poised to defy expectations with the release of “Barbie,” I’m going to endeavor to do the same here.
Because I don’t think Barbie needs a pink watch, she’s got plenty of pink. Barbie needs a watch that conveys timeless elegance and, frankly, a watch that goes with everything. Barbie needs a J12.
If you’ve been obsessively watching all of the pre-release material coming out for the movie so pink it caused a global shortage of the hue, you’ll have seen the famous interlocking ‘C’ logo on a number of Barbie’s accessories and outfits (again, I will point you to the AD tour of the Barbie Dreamhouse).
Clearly, Robbie’s Barbie is a big fan of the brand, and considering that the J12 is steadily becoming more and more of an enthusiast’s pick, I can’t really argue against it. Besides, when you do get all dolled up in your pink outfit for the earliest showing you could manage, a bright white ceramic watch is the perfect complement.
Oh, and, if you do want to show off some of your more somber side when you go to see the back half of your double feature, the J12 Paradoxe has you more than covered.
Now I Am Become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds
Scientific advancement has been, in large part, an exercise in precision. Over the last several hundred years, our ability to understand more about what makes the universe tick has come down to our capacity for delineating time and measuring increasingly minuscule amounts of data and material.
But possibly no advancement has been so impactful, or so dependent on precision, as the work that went into splitting an atom and then turning it into a bomb. And when you are a scientist working at the cutting edge and at the limits of accuracy, you need to wear a good watch. The same is true for those of us going to watch a movie about those scientists 78 years after the fact.
If you want to honor those scientists and the work they did when you sit down to “Oppenheimer,” you need a watch that was inspired by those very scientists. You need the Rolex Milgauss, preferably a vintage example, like this 1019, though a modern one will do in a pinch.
Considering the nuclear electromagnetic pulse created by the Trinity test (and that is created by every nuclear detonation), I’m sure a number of watches would have been saved from magnetization had they boasted the Milgauss’s anti-magnetism.
But while those scientists couldn’t benefit from the anti-magnetic shielding of the Milgauss, you can; something which could come in handy if it turns out that Christopher Nolan is actually detonating a micro-scale nuclear bomb in every theatre showing Oppenheimer as the totally-real-rumor-that-I-definitely-didn’t-just-make-up says he will.
He’s Just Ken
What do you get the man who seemingly has very little going on, especially if his job is just “beach?”
If you, like Ryan Gosling, are really feeling your Kenergy, there can only be one answer — the Rolex Cosmograph Daytona “Beach” in pink, naturally (a Barbie may not need a pink watch, but a Ken certainly does). If you are spending all day doing… whatever it is that you do when you’re doing beach, there is no better choice of companion. After all, doing beach means you have to be ready for absolutely anything, and the Daytona “Beach” is.
This Daytona is water-resistant (not that there is any water in Barbieland), white gold, and comes in the perfect shade of pink to complement whatever outfit Barbie is wearing. That the pink comes from a lovely mother-of-pearl dial and lizard strap means you will stand out from all the other Kens filing in and out of theatres this weekend.
Plus, the chronograph will come in handy for timing out your bathroom breaks and snack runs in between movies. After all, seeing these two movies back to back will require a level of precision few besides Rolex can offer.
Barbenheimer
But what if you’re going for the full Barbenheimer experience? For those who truly feel an equal pull to both films, the watches above just won’t do the trick. So, as I am wont to do, I’ve rounded up some options that fall somewhere in between the two cinematic spectacles.
My thought is that a true Barbenheimer watch needed to evoke “Barbie” in a form that made sense for “Oppenheimer.” For that, my recommendation is the Habring2 Chrono-Felix Monopusher.
The mid-century design of this monopusher chronograph is certainly evocative of what would have graced the wrists of the Manhattan Project’s many scientists, and the salmon dial offers a touch of fun that is sure to appeal to the Mattel-heads (is that a thing yet?). Plus, monopusher chronographs are just really cool, and the Chrono-Felix is a watch that will certainly earn wrist-time long after this special weekend has come and gone.
If that doesn’t feel quite right, then there aren’t many brands that do pink better than Oris. A bronze Divers Sixty-Five with cotton candy pink dial, or a salmon-dial ProPilot X Calibre 400 both offer a ton of visual impact at a great price without sacrificing an inch on technical capacity. In fact, the ProPilot X is so perfect for the job that Will Ferrell actually wore one to the premiere of Barbie — and who am I to argue with Will Ferrell? No one, that’s who.
That said, as I was thinking through all of this, a colleague came up and offered up the perfect answer for the Barbenheimer dilemma — a gold Cartier on a bracelet. I have to admit that I’m slightly embarrassed I didn’t think of it myself, but accepting input is a part of growth, so I have to admit that this colleague hit the nail on the head.
The perfect watch for Barbenheimer is one of two; either the Cartier Tank Française in yellow gold or the Cartier Tank Louis Cartier in rose gold (again, preferably on a bracelet). You really can’t go wrong. The timeless design of these watches makes them feel at home regardless of the setting, and the chic aesthetic is a complement to any outfit.
Whether your inclination is to build bombs in the desert or to rollerblade through Barbieland, you cannot go wrong with a Cartier Tank.
What About Me?
So, I guess all that remains is for me to make my own decision about what to wear to both of these movies. Unfortunately, I will not be watching a double feature of the summer’s most hotly anticipated films. The sad reality of the world is that sometimes life gets in the way of good things.
On the upside, this does mean I get to wear a different watch to each movie, and I am making the most of it. For me, the theme for the weekend is gold. Kicking us off, for my screening of “Barbie” tonight, I will be wearing my Seiko Prospex SRPC44 “Golden Turtle,” on an aftermarket gold-tone jubilee bracelet.
This watch is everything I hope “Barbie” is — big, bold, and fun. The gold-tone stainless steel case also feels like the rough watch equivalent of what Greta Gerwig has taken to calling the “authentic artificiality” of “Barbie.” This is not a gold watch, but the veneer of gold lets you have a good percentage of the fun, at a fraction of the cost. I imagine that the feeling I get from putting this watch on is not dissimilar from the excitement of opening up a Barbie Dreamhouse — you know it’s not the real thing, but somehow that only makes it better.
“Oppenheimer,” on the other hand, necessitates a more sober option. So I’m going with my Hamilton Norman. This gold-filled watch from 1947 was part of a run of men’s dress watches Hamilton produced shortly after the Second World War, and was a gift on my 13th birthday from my godfather.
When it comes down to it, this is as close as I’ll get to a watch worn at the actual Trinity test, and, in some ways, to one worn in the film as well. Hamilton’s involvement with the U.S. Military, and Manhattan Project, during WWII was a hugely impactful one, and their collaboration with Christopher Nolan in recent years has been well documented. I can’t think of a better choice for my own “Oppenheimer” experience than a timepiece born of the same decade as the Atomic Bomb, from a company that helped make its birth possible.
But whatever you choose to wear to the movies this weekend, I can’t wait for everyone to see it, because I’m gonna need to talk about this singularly important experience as soon as humanly possible.